The scales of life have a silly habit of either leaning too much to the right or too much to the left.
Balance I am finding it to be not so much a destination but a continuous art to be practiced and bettered(notice I did not use the word perfected). A little wind can tip you forward or backwards on the balance beam. Getting your eye off the the focal point can make you wobble and if you do it for long enough, fall off completely.
Balance gets better with practice. You learn to use all of your self in the right ways to help you get to stability. Just like a novice to the practice of yoga or Pilates, you realize balance is not just sharing your weight equally on both sides. You soon realize that you must engage your abdominals, your pelvis and your glutes and everything from top to bottom has a part to play.
But then again you can't control everything and getting shaky, wobbly, or falling is inevitable. You can be doing everything right in your lane but can we really control someone bumping into us, a strong wind, and all those external forces?
Sometimes falling is inevitable. Like my mama T likes to say, failure is an option. Not getting up and trying again is what shouldn't be.
Why am I even talking about this. Because I fell. My scale leaned too much on one side and everything inside it fell out. And for a period I just stood there and watched everything splattered on the ground. Too overwhelmed and exhausted to bend down and pick everything up. It just seemed like too much.
I got overwhelmed with life's everyday demands, the worlds catastrophic events, unmourned grievances, unmet expectations and change in general. I can't even say what exactly broke the camels back but I found myself there.
It's so easy to pretend in a place where people don't really know you. I don't think that many people noticed. My family probably sensed it but I don't think they knew I was crumbling all the way inside. Coz outwards I was still doing what was expected of me. But that can be even more exhausting
So after a while I decided to pick up the pieces. And that's where I am at. My back hurts trying to pick up these pieces. I want to give up but I don't want to give up.
I have to keep reminding myself that just because for a little while I got pretty good at this balance thing, doesn't mean I achieved perfection. Not to sound pessimistic but just to remind myself not to beat myself down even further after I realize I've fallen.
Does anyone else feel this way? Like they were doing so well but how did they end up back at square one? It could be with anything. Maybe you finally got your anger in check, and then you just went and exploded at your hubby/ children/ work mate/ mom...fill in your blank. You decided to keep your spending controlled then you just went and maxed your credit card. You were doing well with a healthy lifestyle but then you decided to treat yourself and now it's two months later and you're still treating yourself, you made a promise the next person you ever sleep with will be your spouse but this is like the 6th time you are doing the walk of shame to your apartment, alcohol, drugs, .....
Whatever it is, you are not a hopeless case. Falling down sometimes makes us aware of the things that we are not doing right. Maybe you engage your abdominals but you don't tuck in your pelvis.
Maybe you forget to focus on the focal point once things start to seem easy and you get wobbly and fall or maybe your focal point is not reliable. When you are balancing in yoga or Pilates, they tell you to focus your eyes on an immovable object. If I focus my eyes on the person in front of me and they start to wobble, I start to wobble too.
How immovable and unshakable is your focal point?
Mine is pretty solid. Solid like a rock. His name is Jesus. But sometimes I look away and look away for too long.
I won't lie I still feel pretty overwhelmed, and I feel overridden by uncertainty but amidst all of it, I choose hope.
If you're somewhere in this bracket, I pray you find the strength to at least hope then watch as He works you from glory to glory.
“The Lord GOD is my strength [my source of courage, my invincible army]; He has made my feet [steady and sure] like hinds’ feet And makes me walk [forward with spiritual confidence] on my high places [of challenge and responsibility]. For the choir director, on my stringed instruments.”
HABAKKUK 3:19 AMP
Shalom❤️
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