On Being Yourself

I am supposed to be getting ready for guests we are entertaining tonight but instead I have caved into my whim to write something that just popped into my mind.

I was just thinking of how the tug of war of being your authentic, unique self and trying to blend in is so real.
So many of us are in the middle of, " I want to express my true self to the world and not always comply to all these unsaid...and said expectations of myself"  and at the same time scared of appearing too kooky to our peers, our partners, our families, our colleagues, heck even to people we don't know.

And then it can be so easy to just want to be like the person who seems to have it all together than try and be yourself because lets face it, that would mean asking yourself some serious questions, learning to love and accept yourself, basically figuring out who you are and that can be a little messy. Coz hey we don't just wake up and have it all figured out so why don't I just take ALL the leaves off of Mary's book? She has it figured out, she's happy and successful. So there starts the cycle of trying to be like Mary, dress like Mary, eat like Mary, find a guy like Mary's, have a job like Mary's, etcetera, etcetera. Then after a while you discover you are just so exhausted, worn out and frustrated trying to be like Mary! You created a competition in which you were terribly losing.

So what's next? Try to be like Jane? Maybe that won't be as exhausting. Wrong.
Why not try to just figure you out? Its scary I know. Who over the age of 25 wants to admit they don't really know who they are? Raise your hand. If you did then bravo to you coz that's part of journey. The other part is figuring it out. Not being afraid to try all those things you dreamed or wished for. It's hard I know because it means separating yourself from the pack and possibly going against some of the things you strongly believed are the reason you are accepted, liked or even loved. So there is that question, will I still have people by my side if I take this giant leap of faith?
Chances are some people will doubt you, ridicule you and criticize. Chances are some of them might be people who's support and opinion really matter to you. Don't hold it against them, not everyone will get it. They may be coming from a place of envy, wanting you to fail but it may also be coming from a place of genuine concern and love. But we don't have too much time to figure that one out coz we are on mission right?! So please don't let that become too much of a distraction. I get it though, those few casual words can have the ability to rock your core and make you start to question and doubt coz after all, you are a newbie to this whole being your true authentic self so you're dealing with doubts of your own in your head then someone says those same things you are a little anxious about out loud....."wait, what? You are quitting your great paying job so you can stay home with the kids?"
"you are leaving a great career to start a business? Do you know how many businesses have failed within their first year?
"You are leaving your 3 month old to go and pursue your masters overseas??!"
So then you just want to curl up into a ball and hide. But you don't. Because you promised yourself that it's time and you know your why.
 If you need a little hand holding, I guarantee you if you look there will be someone willing to cheer you on. Don't waste too much time trying to convince people to encourage and support you. It may require making some new friends, reading some new books but honey you gatta keep the momentum coz if you don't, Jane's life is gonna start looking pretty darn good again.

Be prepared to look a little clumsy, to make a few mistakes, have a few scrapes and bruises. One would think being yourself should be the easiest thing on earth right but it really isn't. A lot of us are so driven to please others to a certain degree and we also seek approval of others in our own different ways so undoubtedly that will try and pull you back but please just keep moving.

It's a journey, expect that it will take some time. Expect that it will be tough. But also expect it will feel good. As I have shed more and more layers off, I can't begin to say how good it feels. Sometimes it's like that picture of a woman with her hands out as the rain pours down on her and sometimes its so subtle you don't even realize till later how much better you are feeling about yourself because you decided to stay true to yourself.

Personally, I have found great comfort and strength in seeking God's face. When I am unsure, insecure, prayer is my lifeline. I don't know where you are in your spiritual journey but I am a true believer that our most truest authentic selves come out when we align ourselves with God's will and purpose for our lives. If I had to leave you with one thing after all this blabbering that I have done is that if you're ready to take that step towards your own unique path, it would be that you put more faith in our God and Savior in whom all good things come from. The one that created you for your unique purpose. The one who truly knows how truly unique you are, from the hairs on your head to the soles of your feet. This is for me as much as it is for anyone that this is speaking to because sometimes I forget, I'm a child, I need constant reminders. I am still learning, and that's what's actually awesome about all this is that I am learning.